Ein Freund von mir

Hans: Do you think it’s my dream to drive around with a fucking car? You didn’t get anything. 

**

Naumann: There is always a solution. If we don’t find it, then it’s not because there isn’t any, but because we don’t know enough yet. 

**

Hans: Does one have to sing here? 
Karl: Whatever you do, don’t sing. Tell him you’re talking to God every night before you go to sleep. 

** 

Hans: Do you know why such a giant big piece of metal and plastic and, what have you, teapots, seats, stewardesses and so on, can fly at all? 
Karl: No 
Hans: Because the travel distance of the air above the wing is longer than underneath. 

**

Karl: I’ve been studying theology once. 
Hans: So you’re not allowed to sleep with women. 
Karl: What? 
Hans: Not even touch them, right? Not even pat a little, or grab a bit. Nothing, right? 
Karl: No. 
Hans: No. Not at all, right? 
Karl: Yes yes yes. I only studied it, right? I’m allowed everything. 

Restless

Annabel: People haven’t been around even a fraction of the time of some reptiles, so three months is almost the same as three centuries or three days… 

**

Hiroshi: White people. You have to grab everything.

**

Enoch Brae: Do I know you?

Annabel: Does anybody here know you?

Friendship!

Officer: Germany, huh?

Tom: Yes.

Officer: You are nazis?

Tom: No. We are communists. Free communists! Friendship!

Veit: Friendship!

**

Tom: Hey! I know how we can get to 300 Dolars. By stripping. 

Veit: Stripping?

Tom: Yes, in a gay club. I have told the owner that we are Russians. Y’know show business.

Veit: Russians?

Tom: Yes. I am Igor, you are Andreyev. And together we are Leningrader Stalin. Come, here I have our uniforms. If he hires us, it means 60 Dollars per show. So if we do that 5 times in succession, that’s 300 Dollars per evening and tomorrow we’ll go to San Fransisco!

Veit: Is this your plan?

Tom: I have even brought a stick. Music please. Turn the music on. Watch it. This music suits perfect! Insane!

Veit: Tom, dancing? Okay. Undressing while dancing? I don’t mind. In a strip club? Alright. In a strip club for gays? Sure. But not to the national anthem of the GDR! 

Kammerflimmern

Mach die Augen zu. Hörst du die Sekunden vorbeirasen? Ich höre sie die ganze Zeit. Alles wird gut. Du musst nur atmen.

November: Do you feel sorry for me?

November: So do I for you. All day, just misery and blood and vomit. And you always get there too late.

Crash: I believe in what Rikki-tikki-tavi the Mongoose said when he risked his life to kill the snake: “A good deed is usually rewarded.”

**

Crash: Have you ever met someone and felt that they’re the person you’ve been missing your whole life? As if it was all just a dream, and then you wake up.

November: No.

November: I’ll see you.

Crash: Yes, every night.

**

Night Nurse: Take care of yourself, okay?

Crash: Nothing’ll happen to me.

Crash: Nothing ever happens to me.

**

Cash: It’s about 8 o’clock. You got all day to jump. One move and I’m gone.

Girl: Get lost, please. I’m gonna do it anyway.

Crash: When I was 7, my parents died in an accident. I was with them in the car.

Girl: I’m so sorry.

Crash: That’s okay. I had a tumor on my face. Wanna see the scar?

Girl: Yeah, I see it.

Crash: In the end there were dozens of them. Nobody knew what it was. After that, my grandma brought me up. She did her best, but I reminded her too much of my mother. I caused her lots of trouble. But she taught me two important things.

Girl: What was that?

**

Crash: Grandma, don’t be sad. I love you too.

Grandmother: In life, it’s not about love, my dear. Forget what I told you about Rikki-tikki-tavi the mongoose and about God. God is a… sadistic bastard, my dear. And he eavesdrops on us the whole time. And when we tell someone we love them, he takes them away from us. Because he’s bored to death up there. If you can’t stand it anymore, there are only two things that you can do:

Breathe in and breathe out.

The Man from Earth

Harry: Edith, I was raised on the Torah, my wife on the Qu’Ran, my eldest son is an Atheist, my youngest is a scientologist, my daughter is studying Hinduism, I imagine there is room there for a holy war in my living room, but we practice live and let live.

**

Edith: [talking about God] He’s everywhere. We just can’t see him. 
Harry: Pfft. If this was the best I could do, I’d be hiding, too. 

**

Dr. Will Gruber: When did you begin to believe you were Jesus? 
John Oldman: When did you begin to believe you were a psychiatrist? 
Dr. Will Gruber: Since I graduated from Harvard Medical School and finished my residency, I’ve had that feeling. Why I sometimes dream about it. 
John Oldman: Have you acted upon this belief? 

**

Harry: I can give you the ten commandments in ten words: “Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t.” 

**

Art: What you’re saying, it offends common sense. 
John Oldman: So does Relativity, Quantum Mechanics, that’s the way nature works. 

**

Dan: Time… you can’t see it, you can hear it, you can’t weigh it, you can’t… measure it in a laboratory. It is a subjective sense of… becoming, what we… are, in stead of what we were a nanosecond ago, becoming what we will be in another nanosecond. The whole piece of time’s a landscape existing, we form behind us and we move, we move through it… slice by slice. 
Linda Murphy: Clocks measure time. 
Dan: No, they measure themselves, the objective referee of a clock is another clock. 
Edith: All very interesting, but what has it got to do with John? 
Dan: He, he might be man who… lives… outside of time as we know it.

Kompani Orheim

Jarle: If I was making a list, I’d put smokes first, coffee second, music third… No. Music first. Smokes second. Coffee third. Girls fourth. No, dammit.

**

Jarle: Dad’s a school inspector in Stavanger. The poly, or… The polytechnic college.

Girl: Okay. Polytechnic college?

Jarle: Or, he… He drinks a bit. During weekends and so on, then… Well, it’s been going on for a while.

Girl: How do you cope with all this?

Jarle: I’m okay, I guess.

Girl:  And your mother? Why doesn’t she leave him?

Jarle: She says it’s the easy way out.

Girl: It’s so 50s. I get to iron the shirts because I’m a woman? No, that’s just wrong. We all have female and male sides.

Jarle: I… I like ironing shirts.

Girl: You’re a feminist as well?

Jarle: Feminist? Yeah. I’ve been one for months.

**

Terje: Jarle? We’re in here.

Jarle: I don’t care what you say! I’m a communist!

Sara: We were just talking about how wonderful it was when you were born.

Terje: Mom was sure it’d be a girl. I said, “No, it’s a boy.”

Sara: And you were right. We went to the photographer. You refused to take off your cowboy hat.

Jarle: I was at the rally in Arendal!

Sara: Jarle, listen. We won’t always agree on everything. Your dad and I have talked. There will be some changes here.

Jarle: Can’t you just get a divorce like normal people?

**

Teacher: In 1913, women got the right to vote. Yes, Jarle?

Jarle: How could it be a democracy? When women didn’t have voting rights? Didn’t our democracy start in 1913?

Teacher: Well, it was a gradual development.

Jarle: Into what? It’s just like the 50s.

Irene: Hello? Don’t we have equal rights in Norway?

Jarle: Irene, who irons the shirts at home? Your dad or your mom?

Irene: I do, actually. And it’s not because I’m a girl.

**

Sara: It would be nice if you could say a few words in the chapel. We had many good times.

Jarle: Yeah, but…I won’t lie up there.

Sara: No.

De Gales hus

Freiner: Let’s sit down

Aina: But I’m not sick. I’ve got no reason to be. I had a perfectly good childhood. I lacked for nothing.

Freiner: And yet you ran into that window. Why did you do that?

Aina: I don’t know. It all just seemed …

Freiner: Meaningless? Do you hear voices?

Aina: Yes. You people keep talking and talking. There’s no little dwarf inside my head controlling me.

**

Aina: What is madness actually?

Freiner: The Greek goddess of madness was called Lyssos. She rode in a celestial chariot, with billowing hair and a whip made of snakes. She struck out at random. You could say madness is like an attack that comes from inside ourselves.

Aina: So they get attacked suddenly and deprived of everything without knowing what’s happened or why?

Freiner: Just like every other illness.

**

Stetson: Why won’t you eat?

Aina: Because I want to die!

Stetson: Then why didn’t you jump? Or hang yourself from that tree? I’ve got a nylon rope in the van.

I eat every day. Several times a day. Is that okay with you?

Aina: Sure. You have the right to live

Stetson: And you don’t have the right to live?

Aina: No.

Stetson: Yes you do.

**

Odin: Anyway, the wheel is the curse of mankind. After we invented it that’s when it all started to go too fast for us.

Jeg reiser alene

And we… We become children. We become children again. At the carnival, we are all equal. For we are newborn.

**

Doctor: Let’s see… “Name of mother: Anette Hansen, Skien.” ”Name of father: Jarle Klepp, Bergen.”

Jarle: Bloody hell! Fuck! This can’t be right! Jeez, I’ve had sex countless times. I don’t even remember that time! How many kids do I have out there?

**

Old lady: Hey, are you heading out to the airport as well? I’m picking up my grandchild. Children. The essence of life. Life is meaningless until you have children. Children are such a blessing.

Jarle: Isn’t the world crowded enough? I’m a student. Have no time for kids.

Old lady: Really? How exciting!

Jarle: I’m writing about Proust. Suddenly some loony bitch in Skien decides I’m a father and dumps her brat into my lap. Look.

“I’ve taken care of our daughter for seven years. I need a vacation.”

“She’ll arrive in Bergen at 2:45 p.m. on 8 September.”

Old lady: That’s today!

Jarle: I know, dammit. Hence the trip. That’s the problem. Her birthday’s on Tuesday.

Old lady: How nice!

Jarle: And her name… It couldn’t be uglier!

**

Jarle: Now this is where daddy works. The university.

Charlotte Isabel: The university. But what do they do here? Do they make anything?

Jarle: Well, what they do…

Charlotte Isabel: Do they fix stuff?

Jarle: Jeez, you don’t have to nag. They, like…

They think, Charlotte Isabel. They think. Now come here.

**

Charlotte Isabel: Why do they call her the people’s princess?

Jarle: Because people like her, I guess.

Charlotte Isabel: But are there any princesses people don’t like?

Jarle: Well, that’s a good question.

**

Herdis: Hey… Last night, yesterday evening, I went out with Robert. Gothenburg. Robert… Has strong feelings for me. And I… I’ve grown very fond of him. I told him about us last night, yesterday evening. And he… Well, I don’t know how to put it. But I think I want to be with him. You’ve been awesome, really. You’re so… Jarle, you’re so sweet. So intense and…

Jarle: Stop it.

Charlotte Isabel: Walk like this, daddy! Walk like this! Daddy says you’re his girlfriend. Are you?

Jarle: You’re just a feminist slut!

** 

Jarle: Once upon a time… Once upon a time, there was a princess who didn’t want to be a princess. One day she was out riding her horse on the plains. She fell off the horse and died.

Charlotte Isabel: But daddy…

Jarle: I know. Just listen. Because… So there was a funeral. But then… In the middle of the night. There was nobody left in the church. Suddenly there was a sound.

Charlotte Isabel: A sound?

Jarle: A creaking sound. The coffin lid opened. The princess crawled out. She ran out into the forest - and was free. She didn’t want to be a princess any more. So she’d just faked her own death, like. Good night.

Charlotte Isabel: But daddy, I didn’t like that she didn’t want to be a princess.

Jarle: You’ll discover that you won’t like a lot of things about life.